Sunday, November 26, 2006; 11:57 PM

i'm so angry.
i'm so sick.
i'm so tired.
i'm so sad.
i'm so F up,
i'm so irritated.
i'm so agititated.
i'm so fed-up.
i wanna cry.
i wanna scream.
i wanna shout.
i wanna blow.
i wanna strangle.
i wanna punch.



Friday, November 17, 2006; 9:05 PM

Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you.
So pick me, choose me, love me.
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Your subtleties, they strangle me.I cant explain myself at all.And all that wants.And all that needs.All I dont want to need at all.
The walls start breathing. My minds unweaving. Maybe it's best you leave me alone.A weight is lifted. On this evening,I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light,It ends tonight.It ends tonight.
A falling star,Least I fall alone.I cant explain what you cant explain.Your finding things that you didnt know.I look at you with such disdain
Now, Im on my own side.It's better than being on your side.It's my fault when your blind.It's better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside.Now you're the first to know



Saturday, November 11, 2006; 9:28 PM

i was so sad leaving TEC. -sniffs-. lets see if i get the next on site job.-prays-. joyce hugged me when she was leaving. mr liu wished me all the best. and i think what was one of the saddest moments was saying bye to Chris. haha. he's is one big joker. haha. im gonna miss him hin disturbing me wen i make up. haha. no one to disturb me. bahhh. he didnt even know it was my last day till the end. haha. we had a good talk that day. good timing, no calls came in. haha. he gave me advice. and helped me thru this dilemma of mine. it was even more sad when we hugged goodbye. =( . we'll keep in touch.-prays-. haha. i was having a really bad headache so i planned to take a cabbie home at 6pm...THEN...wahahaha, i worked till 1am the next day-straight. dig that. 1am!!! i worked with wenli. poor girl, she came from on-site and we worked on the work for the next day. headache or no headache, i worked. haha. i did take a cab home, claim from co. haha. i was dead the next day. haha. i cldnt even open my eyes. if i had an event to run, i could have cuz my mind would be awake but i didn't so i totally shut off. haha. the team and the ppl there are great. all of them i got to know in such a short period of time.

this dilemma of mine. i saw it coming but i didnt know it was going to be this tough. it's great knowing people like chris, wenli,glenda,serene,gerry. they have given me great insight which is helping me alot. even with all that, im still somehow lost. then i recalled a conversation i had with charles. i don't know why that conversation is stuck in my head. maybe, it's a bold, striking heading which is helping me through this decision time. and it's true what he told me. "we never know what we want. no one can decide for sure what he/she wants to be". somehow, that conversation gave/gives me hope, light, determination. i know ppl will talk if i do make a decision to go for it but i think back to what Charles told me and i see whats happening around me, i think i won't regret it. as tough as the process may be, perseverance, focus and determination will get me through.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.




Saturday, November 04, 2006; 9:16 PM

blog oh blog.haha.my life has been like a tornado. haha. ive been with TEC for over a month now. i cant believe it.im gonna try to sum up what has happened.
  1. i finally got to go out with my beloved hailey. we went to vivo last weekend.hahaha. i has such a blast with her.its been forever since i went out with her.miss her lots.caught The Guardian.-sniff sniff-.haha.HAILEY SMITH AND SAMANTHA LAMPARD + Dior.-dont burst out bubbles.-
  2. I went Raya visting with the whole grp.haha.i love bas.haha.she n her darlin picked me up.i love cars.haha.all of us used 2 cars n went around from house to house.so fun.haha.i bought damn makan near my place.how un-glam.everyone was dressed up and i brought them downstairs.haha.i didnt have any food for them at my place.haha.my place soon k..haha.
  3. i ran my first event.full of ups and downs. but he, what isnt? i was super late for mass for obligation day and after mass, i went back to work. i got home st 12mn and by 7am i was at The Rtiz Carlton as it was the event day. My eyes were so heavy. i was super tired. all dressed up and it was a really up scale event, all the BIG SHOTS. it was a real experience. but all of us were all smiles!!! i love the team i worked with. wen the reg finished and everyone was in the ballroom, all of us just had a quick bite at the breakfast. haha.the spread was unbelievable. den i snucked into the ballroom during a performance-stunt performance.it was sick-as in the guy cld bend bones i never knew i had.haha.jason was telling me after the event that this stunt fella has performed here before.haha.jason was half dead by the end of the event.haha.we all were.haha.to see the event come alive after your hard work is more than rewarding plus to hear ppl say to u, "hey, itsnt the even working published in the papers.its huge,so much publicity." woo hoo!!! haha,after the event, packed up all the set ups and the team just talked for awhile n Chris was crackin eveyone up so badly.hahahahaha.I think i was tearing, funny fella.haha.sick jokes i tell you.super sick. and he called me crazy for loving this line of work.haha.went to marina square to makan.winnie,glenda,wenli and were standing in the middle of MS decidin was to eat and my feet were killing me.stupid didnt prepare proper shoes to use so i used my mums and i was too big.so i stuffed tissue paper in it.so thruout the event, my toes were squashed.i didnt even sit down for a second.PAIN!!!!.winnie decided n we had jap food.haha.it was nice.haha.den wenli n i went back to work.if i taught that i had 4 hrs sleep n it was bad.she was worst.she left the office at 1am and was at The Ritz at 5.30am.i cldnt wake up for work the next day.hahaha.but i wasnt late.hahahah.

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if only time wasn't against us.