Saturday, December 31, 2005; 12:13 AM

it's officially NEW YEARS EVE.hah.311205.
wow.1 whole year just passed by.
what a year it has been.
roller coaster!!!
im just thinking of all that i had gone through this year.
*things i had to go through with friends,family,loved ones.
*the joys and sorrows of 2005.
*the gains and losses.
*chances misssed
*chances taken
*tears of sadness and joy
*stuff that i had done
*things ive said (good and bad)
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to whom i have hurt in one way or another,i am truly sorry.for anything i have done or said.i am sincerely sorry.please accept this apology.please let 2006 be a fresh start for all of us.i am deeply sorry for all the wrong i have done.
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i really need to make my new years resolution.and im gonna write it down and im gonna keep reminding myself about them.im gonna really really gonna stick to them.and i will refer to them often.HAH.2006...a different SAM!!!...a different ME!!!enough is enough.there is so much my heart can take.im human after all.if i
continue the way i am,im gonna end up at the losing end over and over again.
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one thing that i am really glad about is that i have grown closer to God this year.Amen!and im gonna keep growing closer and closer to Him.Amen!
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-All The Best To YOU-
-I Still Mean Every Word I Said To YOU-
-Muackz-
<3



Monday, December 19, 2005; 9:12 PM

I do not want any material things this Christmas. NO material gift will make my Christmas.
All I want for Christmas....
*To have a better Christmas compared to last year
*To have the ones I love the most and hold closest and dearest to my heart by my side
*To go for Mid-Night mass [haha]
*For that ONE PRAYER to be answered -prays-
<3



Sunday, December 11, 2005; 12:17 AM

im fighting an internal battle. i pray and hope i will come out of it, winning this battle.i cant explain in words what i am feeling and going through inside.i just cant.but one thing is for sure,it's tough.it's hard.it's complicating.it's pain.and keeping it inside juz aint helping. but i cant seem to let it out.='(
Two roads...Split off from here, and my life goes running in opposite directions.Exaggerating the barrier between who I am, and who I want to be.
I wanted to be that breath of fresh air, When everything smelled so insincere.But this taste still lingers in my mouth, Deceit has ways of sticking around.And I'm ready to disappear, Vacation seems far seems From here.
Note to self: I miss you terribly. This is what...We call a tragedy. Come back to me, Come back to me, To me.Note to self: I miss you terribly. This is what...We call a tragedy. Come back to me, Back to me, To me.
I can feel my mind, wandering again. Into where I dont know, and will I ever get home?Time starts moving, faster than I can. And I'm sick of this scene, I need to break from the routine.
Which part of me is lost? I feel so close, and yet I am so...Far!...



Tuesday, December 06, 2005; 7:05 PM

//my christmas tree is up.how i love the smell of the fresh pine.i did up some of the christmas deco today.proud of it.haha.ive been down with food poisoning since fri.my gosh,the last time i had food poisoning was in jan this yr.puking...puking...puking...bleah.well,im really thankful that im feelin abit better cuz i cant wait for the chalet tmr.ive been lookin forward to this day.haha.
//things came so clear to me this past week.ive had time to think things through thoroughly.i finally had a chance to sit myself down to think and reflect.im so glad that i can finally see some things clearly now.i was blind to some things this year.i really was blind.but i see things clearly now.and i am ready to face what lies ahead for me.i learn from my mistakes and try my best to not repeat them.i pick up good trades from the correct people.i try to erase my bad points.at first,i thought to myself,i wish i could start the year 2005 again as there are a lot of things i wished had not happened and things which i had done differently.but then i thought again and now,i have no regrets on what has happened this year.everything happens for a reason.i cant turn back time.but i can change the future if i start changing the present.im learning from my past mistakes.situations like these make me a stronger person.
//i dont hate anyone.i truly honestly,sincerely and truthfully do not hate anyone.this is the truth.i am very sorry to anyone whom i have hurt in one way or another.i truly am.please accept this apology.im only human.im not perfect.ive made mistakes and i am accounting for them.
//but there are two characteristics of people which i cannot tolerate.i do not like liars and i do not like two-faced people.this is a fact.
//i cant have a friendship with someone whom i cant trust.how am i suppose to be friends with someone if i cant trust the person.i just cant.
//oh well,christmas is in like 19 days.my only wish this christmas is too have a better christmas compared to last christmas.last christmas....was the worst.how i pulled myself together in one piece everyday....i dunno how i did that but it was the toughest challenge i ever had to face.
all i want this Christmas is....
*to have a better Christmas compared to last year
*to have the ones i love and hold closest and dearest to my heart, close to me to share this joyous occasion with
...<3...