Thursday, July 28, 2005; 5:46 PM

I had a bad day.280705.give me a gun and i will shoot myself.today just sucked.SIGH.just whatever to today.BLEAH!!!!
Oh well, i was away last weekend from 22-24.left straight after school on fri.best weekend ive had so far.went tanning wif my sis.our shoulders were burnt.hahahah.did so much reflection during the journey to Bintan.i guess somehow,i cant run away from you even when i leave spore.so many things remind me of you.i dont know if i wanted to laugh,cry or scream when those events occur.i had my own private pool in bintan n i was like 5 secs away from the beach.my mind was really floatin.all i did was reflect and think.so many ques,so lil answers.school was really getting to me.i felt drained n tt life was juz sucked out of me.i think the getaway helped ALOT.but somehow,all i could do was think of you.eventhough when i was thinkin about my future prospects,i wld somehow think of u n wonder where wld u stand in my life in the next few years.thinkin of all the diff scenarios.I know one thing for sure.For you,I would sacrifice everything.And I do mean EVERYTHING.
Anyway....here are some pics of my getaway to "paradise".
Gabby stoning.hahahah.

The lil boy of my life.hahahah.
Me and Gabby girl
 Me and my Nigel boy
Me and my sis [Mandy]
My Villa in Bintan






Tuesday, July 12, 2005; 7:54 PM

12 JULY 2005 [8 MONTHS]
8 months not giving up.8 bloody months.ouch!4 more months and it's a year.i really wonder how long can i wait.well,we'll see.we'll see.
'o' level orals today at ping yi sec.my gosh.it sucked so badly.to make things worst,juz before it was my turn,i got hit by a really bad punding headache.wad a perfect timin huh.damn it!!waiting 2 and a half hrs was definately part of the cause.i was so frustrated wif myself after it.nor n i wen into depression n had an overdose of chocs.really,we were depress.my head was spinnin walkin home.i juz wanted to puke and die.to make things worst,sigh,let's juz say that my problems didnt stop there.came home and some more probs piled on me.i never take out or vent my anger on anyone.this evening was a time wen i really needed to do tt.but as usual,i juz take it out on myself.i juz wanted to scream n cry everything out.i have been keepin MY probs and feelings and emotions in me.it's so heavy on my heart.i juz take in everything that is thrown at me.fine!!!!EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT K!!!EVERYTHING!ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?YAH...I DIDNT LISTEN TO YOU.IM SORRY!!!!IM STUPID!WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO ABOUT IT!KILL ME!WISH YOU NEVER KNEW ME!IT'S FINE WITH ME!JUST STAB ME WITH A KNIFE THEN!F IT.I HAVE MADE A EFFORT K.OPEN YOUR EYES.I HAVE NO LIFE!!!!STUDY...HOMEWORK...PRACTICE..RESEARCH...AAHHHHHHH.I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I CAN TAKE.I REALLY DON'T KNOW.I CANT TAKE IT.
my silent cry.what's the point?no one can hear you!



Friday, July 08, 2005; 8:26 PM

8 JULY 2005
hmmm...this date last year.SIGH.heh.a date i will never forget.It was my first [lalalala].HAH.n tellin Jo. about how it happened,filled with every detail was making me smile during school today.Memories of this very day last year was juz flooding my mind.I still remember it so clearly.How i felt,the song that was playing,the time and how it lead to that happenin.HAH.oooooooooooooooo..that was one day where i couldnt stop smilin.=D...but it was a day where i also felt very guilty.sigh.but lookin on the positive end,it was an all sugar coated day.HAH.bleah...im in fantasy land now.ok...make that,im in memory land now.damn.rewind time pls.pretty pretty pls.
-MUACKZ- I LOVE YOU!!! <3



Wednesday, July 06, 2005; 2:59 PM

6 JUNE 2005
This very day marks 1 year of me falling for you.It has already been a year but it seems like such a short time.And what I have gone through for this past year, no words will be able to describe all the emotions, feelings i have felt.Plus,the physical, mental and emotional roller coaster ride you have put me on.And eventhough you seem to keep hurting me more n more, i still continue to love you more n more as each day passes.You know,sometimes i really wonder if you are purposely hurting me or are you doing this without noticing right in front of your eyes that you are killing me and putting me through so much.Somehow i have a strong feeling that it's gonna be a long long time before i erase you from my life.A very long long time.
I LOVE YOU <3



Tuesday, July 05, 2005; 6:58 PM

Woo hoo hoo!!!Rach and Jo helped me in the making of this blog.THANKS SWEETIES!!
Changed my blog to this add,so pls change ur links k.thanks!
Didnt go to school today.All dressed in the mornin,ready for school den i felt really sick.damn giddy plus i felt like puking.wen to the docs..gastric viral infection.tummy pain as hell.My wonderful J.LERS came over eventhough i said not to come.damn sweet,they even bought me makan.n they were practically forcing food down my throat.thanks so much for comin over.u guys really cheered up my day.MUACKZ!
Thinking back to a year ago[this very day],I had you.I had you under my skin.I had you in my life.I do have you in my life now but somehow, I long for more than what we have now.But I have to face the truth.I wont have what I long for.